Ron and Agent J's Unintentional Team-Up
by ZebJeb
Summary: Auror Ron Weasley and Agent J are on the case to stop two rampaging beasts. Unfortunately, problems arrive when they both try to implement the "wiping witness memories" part of their jobs. ONE SHOT


Agent J shook his head slowly, his mind rapidly clearing. He guessed the Tarnazed Rampager must have knocked him for a loop, and he was just grateful that the headache hadn't kicked in yet. He and Agent K (his partner) had chased the alien monster (from the Zelinek home world, someone had smuggled it in at as a pet) up and down the East Cost of the US, across the Atlantic (the things love to swim), and to the lovely country of England. They had split up when they hit England, and J was the lucky one to find the beast in the middle of some random forest that was thankfully nowhere near civilization.

He must have hit his head during the fight to take down the beast, because he was drawing a blank on the events of the fight. The results spoke for themselves though.

In front of him, the trees were knocked down and burned to a crisp to such a degree that you could build a football field in the space that had been cleared. He wasn't sure about what caused the trees to burn but supposed it might have been his gun that caused the damage (which seemed unlikely). And there in front of him, clearly dead, was the Tarnazed Rampager.

The beast was about 25 feet tall, with a pair of strong legs and three sets of extremely muscular arms (one set coming from its shoulders, the other from its back, and the last from its thighs). Its normally red pulsating skin had dimmed to the deep purple of death. Its mouth, with crisscrossing teeth (each tooth being two feet in length and razor sharp, except for the one grinding tooth on its tongue), was wide open and dripping with a thick red substance (that seemed too plentiful and thick to belong to a human). It was hard to believe that this monstrosity was the equivalent of a lapdog for the ruling aliens back on Zelinek.

Standing a couple feet away from J, also facing the Rampager, was a pale and freckly redhead wearing some sort of long red dress and holding a stick. The redhead was gawping at the beast, which reminded J that it was time to erase the witness's memory. At least there was only one person to deal with.

He calmly put on his protective sunglasses, pulled out his Neuralyzer, set it to clear the last hour of memory, and cleared his throat. The redhead turned around on the spot in surprise. Before the redhead could say a word, there was a flash of light and the redhead stood there dazed.

J spoke as he put away his sunglasses and Neuralyzer. "You were taking a stroll through the forest when you thought you heard a noise. You investigated and found nothing but more damned trees, and you went back on your stroll without a worry in your head."

With his job done, J decided he needed to call in his partner. He couldn't find his phone, he turned around on the spot to see if it was on the ground behind him and was shocked to find a completely different dead beast blocking his view. What the hell was that!?

* * *

Auror Ronald Weasley shook his head slowly, his mind rapidly clearing. He guessed the Welsh Green must have knocked him for a loop, and he was just grateful that the headache hadn't kicked in yet. He and Auror Harry Potter (his best friend and partner) had chased the dragon up and down the East Coast of England, over the city of Bristol (the things love to fly), and to the lovely countryside of rural England. They had split up when they hit rural England, and Ron was the lucky one to find the beast in the middle of some random forest that was thankfully nowhere near civilization.

He must have hit his head during the fight to take down the beast, because he was drawing a blank on the events of the fight. The results spoke for themselves though.

In front of him, the trees were knocked down and burned to a crisp to such a degree that you could build a quidditch pitch in the space that had been cleared. He wasn't sure about what caused the trees to be shattered but supposed it might have been some overpowered stunners that caused the damage (which seemed unlikely). And there in front of him, clearly dead, was the Welsh Green.

The beast was about 20 feet long, with the normal two pair of legs and long powerful tail. Its normally vibrant green skin had dimmed to the pale green of death. Its mouth, with straight rows of teeth (each tooth being one foot in length and razor sharp), was wide open and dripping with a thick purple substance (that seemed too unnatural to belong to a human). It was hard to believe that this monstrosity was one of the safest breeds of dragon.

Standing a couple feet away from Ron, also facing the dragon, was a dark and handsome muggle wearing a plain black suit and holding a small… gum… hun… gun (that's it!). The muggle was gawping at the dragon, which reminded Ron that it was time to erase the witness's memory. At least there was only one person to deal with.

He calmly pointed his wand at the man, concentrated on clearing the last hour of memory, and cleared his throat. The muggle turned around on the spot in surprise. Before the muggle could say a word, the word "Obliviate" was spoken and the muggle stood there dazed.

Ron spoke as he lowered his wand. "You were taking a stroll through the forest when you thought you heard a noise. You investigated and found it was just a gas pipe exploding, and you went back on your stroll without a worry in your head."

With his job done, Ron decided he needed to call in his partner. He didn't want to cast his Patronus directly at the muggle, he turned around on the spot and was shocked to find a completely different dead beast blocking his view. What the hell was that!?

* * *

Agent J shook his head slowly, his mind rapidly clearing…

* * *

Harry Potter sat about thirty feet off to the side from the two men, hidden behind some bushes. He wore a conjured pair of sunglasses, sat in a conjured lawn chair, eating very real popcorn his House Elf had delivered. He heard a branch snap behind him.

Looking behind him, he saw an elderly and severe looking man who was wearing the same black suit and sunglasses as the man Ron was interacting with. Harry took out his wand and conjured another lawn chair.

The man stood still for a moment, staring down Harry, and then relented and sat down. Harry handed him a spare bag of popcorn.

"Auror Potter" spoke the man, not touching any of his popcorn.

"Agent K" replied Harry, tossing a kernel into his mouth.

K sighed. "Do you know what happened?"

Harry shrugged. "Ron and your guy…"

"Agent J"

"Right, Ron and J showed up around the same time, I think. Our dragon and your alien were already in a massive fight, as you can tell by the damage. Ron called for me, and J called for you. Since I can apparate, I obviously beat you here. I recognized J's suit as MIB, which meant the standard practice of conjuring sunglasses and leaving the alien to your guy if possible. I was about to join the fight when the two beasts took a bite out of each other at the same time, gagged, stumbled, fell over, and died. Guess they were poisonous to each other. J and Ron stared in shock for a bit, but J was quicker on the draw and erased Ron's memory. And then Ron got J back. And then J got Ron. And, well they've gotten a bit stuck in a loop"

K listened impassively, all the while watching Ron and K taking turns wiping each other's memories.

"Based on when J called me, that means they have been doing this for one hour and 45 minutes. Is that right?"

"One hour and 43 minutes, yeah. Did your guy get his briefing on the Magical world?"

"He did"

"So, did he ignore the briefing because he assumed you were hazing him since 'aliens can exist, but magic is ridiculous', or because he just wasn't paying attention?"

K paused for a moment, and the shrugged. "The first one. And your guy? Was it 'magic makes sense, but aliens are silly', or not paying attention?"

Harry chuckled. "Ron? I always assume he's not paying attention."

K nodded and looked back at Ron once again getting the drop on J. "I suppose we should stop those two."

Harry shrugged, and took another bite of his popcorn without any indication of planning to stand up.

K relaxed back into his chair. "Then again, it's simpler to write 'a couple hours' in my reports instead of 'one hour and 43 minutes'."

Harry nodded. "Sure. But it's more fun being able to honestly say 'a few hours'".

K smirked slightly and tossed a popcorn kernel into his mouth.


End file.
